Funny dog jokes to make you howl

We love a good laugh and nothing beats some funny dog jokes to get you barking with laughter. That’s why we've compiled these funny dog jokes that’ll have you (and any children in your life) rolling. 

From the best dog jokes about Frenchies and Pugs to cute dog jokes for kids, these lines will have you giggling in your seat. So sit back, lie down and have a roll over these funny dog jokes and jokes about dogs. And if you get to the end and need more where that came from, check out these funny dog quotes.

Top 50 funny dog jokes

Next time you've got your fellow canine fanatics round for tea, whack out these belly-laughable best jokes about dogs to break the ice!

1. Q: Why are dogs like phones?

A: Because they have collar IDs!

2. Q: Why do dogs run in circles? 

A: Because it’s hard to run in squares!

3. Q: What kind of dog likes having a bath every day? 

A: A shampoo-dle! 

4. Q: What was the little Scottish dog’s reaction when he first saw the Loch Ness Monster?

A: He was Terrier-fied.

5. Q: What did one flea say to the other?

A: Should we walk or take a dog?

6. Q: Why was the dog sweating so much?

A: She was a hot dog!

7. Q: What do you call a great dog detective?

A: Sherlock Bones!

8. Q: How do fleas travel from place to place?

A: By itch-hiking!

9. Q: Which dog breed does Dracula love the most?

A: Bloodhounds!

 10. Q: How are dog catchers in the UK paid?

A: By the pound

11. Q: Why didn’t the dog want to play football? 

A: It was a Boxer

12. Q: What’s a dog’s favorite kind of pizza?

A: Pupperoni pizza!

13. Q: How are a dog and a marine biologist alike? 

A: One wags a tail and the other tags a whale

14. Q: What do puppies and pages of a book have in common?

A: They’re both dog-eared

15. Q: What type of dog is constantly aware of the time?

A: A watch dog

16. Q: What did the man name his two watch dogs?

A: Rolex and Timex

17. Q: Which dog breed absolutely LOVES living in the city?

A: A New Yorkie!

18. Q: Why are dogs terrible dancers?
A: Because they have two left feet!

19. Q: Why should you be careful when it rains cats and dogs?

A: Because you might step in a poodle!

20. Q: What kind of dog chases anything red?

A: A bulldog

21. Q: What did the dog say when he sat on some sandpaper?

A: That’s ruffffffff!!

22. Q: What breed of dogs do scientists have?

A: Labs!

23. Q: What’s a dog’s favorite instrument?

A: A trombone!

24. Q: What do you call it when a cat wins a dog show?

A: A CAT-tastrophy!

25. Q: What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school? 

A: Her pet-degree!

26. Q: What do you call a dog that can’t bark?
A: A hushpuppie!

27. Q: Why was the dog stealing shingles?

A: He wanted to become a woofer!

28. Q: What’s a dog’s favorite dessert?

A: Pupcakes!

29. Q: What did the hungry Dalmatian say after his meal?

A: “That hit the spots!”

30. Q: Why did the Dachshund want to sit in the shade?

A: Because it was a hot dog.

31. Q: Why did the police not give the German hot dog bail? 

A: Because he gave the wurst answers.

32. Q:  What did the small dog who was madly in love say to his beloved? 

A: You are the corg-key of my heart.

33. Q: Why was the dog upset? 

A: He was going through a rough pooch.

34. Q:  What's a dog's favourite music album? 

A: The 'Bark Side Of The Dog'.

35. Q: How did the dog apologize? 

A: Please fur-give me.

36. Q: What's the similarity between a dog and a tree? 

A: Both have barks.

37. Q: Who is a dog's favorite playwright? 

A: William Shakespaw.

38.  Q: What's a dog's favorite fashion magazine? 

A: Vanity Fur.

39.   Q: What's a dog's favorite movie? 

A: Jurassic Bark.

40. Q: What's a dog's favorite breakfast dish? 

A: Woof-fle.

41. Q: What is a pug’s favorite fall beverage?
A: Pug-kin spice lattes.

42. Q: What did the dog say when he picked up the phone?

A:  I will collie you later

43. Q: What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

A: Take the words out of his mouth

44. Q: Which dog breed knows how to use the phone?

A: A: dial-matian.

45. Q: How did the dog train his flea? 

 A: From scratch.

46. Q: Why did the dog refuse to accompany his owner to the market? 

A: Because it was a flea market.

47: Q: Why did Santa name his dog Frost? 

A: Because Frost bites.

48. Q: What would you call a puppy surrounded by a sound system? 

A: A sub-woofer.

49. Q: What does a puppy say before consuming his food? 

A: Bone appetite!

50. Q: What would you get when you cross a dog and a flower?

A: A collie-flower.

Top 20 best dog jokes for kids

Kids love a good joke as much as the next adult, so we’ve put together some corkers just for their enjoyment. Here are some of the silliest and most laugh-out-loud-worthy cute dog jokes for kids we could find:

1. Q: What do you call a dog magician? 

A: A Labra-cadabra-dor

2. Q: How many hairs are in a dog’s tail? 

A: None! The hair grows on the outside.

3. Q: What do you call a dog who is getting old? 

A: GrandPAW

4. Q: What kind of dog can jump higher than a building? 

A: All kinds — buildings can’t jump!

5. Q: What do dogs do when they need to take a toilet break during a movie? 

A: They press the paws button

6. Q: What do dogs like to eat at the movie theaters? 

A: Pupcorn

7. Q: Where do dogs park their cars? 

A: In the bark park

8. Q: When a dog sits on sandpaper, what does he say? 

A: Ooh, that’s ruff!

9. Q: When is a black dog not a black dog? 

A: When he's a greyhound!

10. Q: What do you call a cold dog?
A: A chilli dog!

11. Q: How do you spell “dog” backwards? 

A: D-O-G-B-A-C-K-W-A-R-D-S

12. Q: What happens if you cross a dog with a phone?
A: A golden receiver

13. Q: What makes more noise than a dog barking? 

A: Two dogs barking!

14. Q: What is a dog that sneezes? 

A: A-choo-wawa

15. Q: What do you get when you cross a small dog and a large boat? 

A: A ship tzu

16. Q: What do you get if you cross a dog and an airplane? 

A: A jet setter

17. Q: What’s a dog’s favourite type of ice cream?
A: Pupsicles!

18. Q: How can you tell if you have a lazy dog? 
A: He only chases parked cars

19. Q: Why did the dog wear a sweater? 
A: Because he was a chili dog

20. Q: Why are skeletons afraid of dogs? 

A: Because dogs love bones.

Top 10 Christmas dog jokes

If you’re looking for some cheesy Christmas dog jokes, look no further. Below we’ve put together a selection of Christmas crackers just in time to deck the paws... 

1. Q: What do you call dogs who love Christmas? 
A: Feliz Navidogs! 

2. Q: What do you call a Christmas show dog? 
A: Best in snow! 

3. Q: How do dogs decorate for christmas? 
A: They deck the paws with bows of collie

4. Q: What do you do when it’s raining cats and dogs?
A: Nothing, as long as it doesn’t reindeer

5. Q: What did the dog put on his Christmas list? 
A: Nothing, dog’s can’t write

6. Q: How do dogs sing jingle bells? 
A: Dachshund through the snow…

7. Q: Who delivers Christmas presents to dogs? 
A: Santa Paws 

8. Q: What do you call a wet dog with a bell on his collar? 
A: Jingle smells! 

9. Q: Did anyone water the Christmas tree? 
A: “I did!” said the dog

10. Q: How do Chihuahuas say Happy Christmas?
A: Fleas Navidog!

Top 10 Halloween dog jokes

After some spooktacular dog Halloween jokes? As spooky season approaches, we’ve compiled our ten best jokes for some ghoulish jokes this Halloween.

1. Q: What do dogs say on October 31st? 
A: Happy Hallo-Weiner! 

2. Q: Why can’t dogs go to Halloween parties? 
A: They can’t hold their licker

3. Q: How do you make a dog disappear? 
A: With spot remover

4. Q: Why are Dalmatians no good at playing hide and seek? 
A: Because they’re always spotted

5. Q: How did the skeleton dog know it was going to rain? 
A: He could feel it in his bones! 

6. Q: What do you call a large dog that meditates? 
A: Aware wolf

7. Q: Which dog breed likes living in a cave? 
A: The bat terrier 

8. Q: What does a little dog feel when he sees a big scary monster? 
A: Terrier-fied! 

9. Q: What does a zombie say to his dog? 
A: Go flesh! 

10. Q: What did the skeleton say to his dog? 
A: Bone-appetite! 

Did these Halloween dog jokes get you howling with laughter? We've got more laughs and chuckles where those came from! From classic comedies to family favorites and tales of adventure, check out these movies to watch with your dog - that are sure to keep furry friends (and their humans) entertained for hours.