Top cat jokes

Feline funny? These cat jokes are bound to get the biggest sour puss grinning like a Cheshire cat. After all, there's a reason why cat-themed content is so popular. In the early days of the internet, there was even a dedicated day for kitty content – Caturday. 

Whether you're into clever puns, knock-knock jokes, cat name puns or silly one-liners, we've got something for everyone. Our round-up includes our pick of best cat jokes, as well as funny cat jokes for kids to tell at school. We've even added some spooky jokes about black cats, purrfect for Halloween. And if you're a canine fanatic as well, check out these jokes about dogs.

Top 50 Cat Jokes

Choosing the best cat jokes is hard work – after all, there are a lot of them! These 50 puntastic one-liners definitely tickled our funny bone.

1. Who delivers Christmas presents to cats? 

Santa Claws.

2. Knock knock

Who's there?

Kitten.

Kitten who?

Stop kitten around and open the door!

3. What do you call a cat that bowls?

An alley cat.

4. What's a cat's favourite colour?

Purrr-ple.

5. What do you call a huge pile of cats?

A meow-tain.

6. What's a cat's favourite breakfast cereal?

Mice Krispies.

7. Why don't cats play poker in the jungle?

Too many cheetahs.

8. Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool?

She had mittens.

9. How do cats get over a fight?

They hiss and make up.

10. What is smarter than a talking cat?

A spelling bee.

11. What do cats like to eat on a hot day?

A mice-cream cone.

12. What's a cat's favourite magazine?

Good Mousekeeping.

13. Why are cats so good at video games?

Because they have nine lives.

14. Why did the cats ask for a guitar?

They wanted to make some mew-sic.

15. What does a cat say after making a joke?

Just kitten.

16. Why did the cat become bankrupt?

They got caught up in a purr-amid scheme.

17. Why did the cat upgrade his phone?

He wanted to get pawtrait mode.

18. Why do cats make such good bosses?

They have great littership.

19. What do you call it when all the treats are gone?

A cat-astrophe.

20. Why did the cat eat a lemon?

Because he's a sour puss.

21. What's a cat's favourite sport?

Hair ball.

22. Why don't cats say YOLO?

Because they have nine lives.

23. Why should you not tell animal lovers any secrets?

Because they always let the cat out of the bag.

24. How do cats sing scales?

Do-re-mew.

25. Why was the cat sitting on the computer?

To keep an eye on the mouse.

26. What did the cat say when he lost all his money?

"Help me, I'm paw"

27. Why don't cats like shopping online?

They prefer to use the cat-alogue.

28. Why is it hard for leopards to hide?

Because they're always spotted.

29. What do you call the cat that commits crime?

A purr-petrator. 

30. What's worse than raining cats and dogs?

Hailing taxis.

31. What do you call a kitten who lives in a Range Rover?

A car-pet.

32. What's the difference between a cat and a comma?

One has claws at the end of its paws, the other is a pause at the end of a clause. 

33. Why did the cat run away from the tree?

It was afraid of its bark.

34. Why was the cat having trouble watching a movie?

She kept hitting "paws".

35. What does a cat on the beach have in common with Christmas?

Both have sandy claws.

36. Dogs can't do X-rays… 

…but cats can.

37. Why are cats such bad storytellers?

They only have one tail.

38. Why do cats prefer wizards to witches?

Sorcerers sometimes have milk in them. 

39. How do cats freshen their breath?

They use mousewash.

40. What do you call a cat that works in a hospital?

A first aid kitten.

41. What do cats do first thing in the morning?

Read the mews-paper.

42. What type of cat lives in the water?

An octo-puss.

43. What do cats wear to bed?

Paw-jamas.

44. What happened to the cat who ate a clown fish?

He felt funny.

45. What is a cat's favourite book?

The Great Catsby. 

46. What do cats do when they experience a crime? 

They call claw enforcement.

47. What animal has more lives than a cat?

A frog: it croaks every night.

48. What did the scaredy cat say?

"Stop freaking meowt!"

49. What do you get if you cross a tiger with a snowman?

Frostbite.

50. What is a cat's dream car?

A furrari.

51. An extra one for you: Why are cats so cute?

Gotchya! This one's no joke - visit our blog to find out why cats are so cute to us humans.

Top 10 Cat Jokes for Kids

While all of the funny cat jokes we've chosen are purr-fectly family-friendly, we reckon the little ones in your life will be especially tickled by these ones.

1. What is the cat's favourite subject at school?

Hiss-tory.

2. What is a cat's favourite nursery rhyme?

Three blind mice. 

3. What game does the cat like to play with the mouse?

Catch.

4. Where did the kittens go for their school field trip?

The mew-seum.

5. Have you ever seen a catfish?

No: how did he hold the rod and reel?

6. What is the difference between a cat that got photocopied and one that follows you?

One is a cat copy, the other is a copy cat.

7. A cat, a duck and a horse went out for dinner. Who had to pay?

The duck: he was the only one with a bill. 

8. Why did the kitten get sent to his room?

He had a bad cat-titude. 

9. What did the lazy cat say to the mouse?

"Catch ya later!"

10. How is a cat like a coin?

Because it has a head on one side and a tail on the other.

Top 10 Black Cat Jokes

Our cat jokes apply to cats of every colour, but we wanted to add a special section dedicated to black cat jokes. Black cats are often considered to be unlucky, but that's just superstition. They're just as fun and worthy of love and cuddles as other cats. Still, we have a soft spot for the spooktacular jokes that come from their association with witches, magic and Halloween.

1. When is it bad luck to see a black cat? 

When you're a mouse.

2. What kind of tests do they give black cats at school?

Hex-aminations.

3. What do you call it when a black cat falls off her broomstick?

A cat-astrophe.

4. What do you use to brush a black cat?

A cat-acomb.

5. Why do black cats ride on broomsticks?

Because it's quicker than walking.

6. Why do witches like having black cats as pets?

Because they're purr-fect.

7. What is black, has eight legs and hisses?

Two black cats fighting.

8. How do black cats get their hair to stand up for Halloween?

With lots of scare-spray.

9. Did you hear about the black cat who drank 13 saucers of milk?

He set a new lap record.

10. Why did the black cat put oil on the mouse?

Because it squeaked. 

Related articles:

Top dog jokes to make you laugh

Cat quotes for every occasion

Did our cat jokes have you rolling on the floor with laughter? If you need a sitter who appreciates catty humour as much as you do, we're always here to help out. Having a great sense of humour is definitely important when house and pet sitting, and you can easily find someone you click with in our massive network.