Cat whispering 101: How to get a cat to trust you

Updated 13/02/2024

Whether you’re caring for a scared cat or you’re struggling to bond with your new furry addition, it can be difficult to convince cats that you’re not the enemy. Curiosity killed the cat and all, but most of our purr pals are actually much happier within their comfort zone - whether that’s snuggled up in your lap or on the other side of the room. That being said, there’s hope for all you new pet parents and cat sitters; if you want to know how to get a cat to trust you, or even just how to get a cat to like you, here are eight simple steps! 

How to get a cat to trust you

1. Respect their boundaries

Some feline friends absolutely love a good fuss while others prefer being left to their own devices… yes, completely alone. Check out your feline friend’s body language and treat them accordingly - kitties might hide with their ears pushed back if they’re feeling scared, whereas paw kneading shows that they’re totally relaxed. 

2. Take it slow 

Want to know how to get a cat to trust you fast? Rome wasn’t built in a day my friend! We know you’re desperate to cuddle up with your new fur baby, but letting them get to know you on their own terms is an important step in the right direction. Let them have a good sniff of you and rub against you before giving them a gentle scratch behind the ears and a rub under the chin - but leave it at that for starters, they’ll let you know if they want more! Picking up your purr pal is definitely not how to get a scared cat to come to you - you should never force your cat into anything they don’t want to do. Follow their cues, and they’ll be rolling onto their backs quicker than you can say “hairball!” (side note - not many cats are actually a fan of belly rubs!).

3. Establish a routine

Life can feel even more stressful when things are up in the air, and establishing a routine will help your kitty cat feel safe and comfortable. By sticking to a schedule, your feline friend will become familiar with the timing of important events like mealtimes, playtime, and even snuggles on the sofa every evening. It’s also best to keep changes in their environment to a minimum so they know where they can find what they need, when they need it. 

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4. Set yourself up for success

You might be doing all the right things, but if your furry friend doesn’t “trust” their surroundings they’re never going to feel at ease. Make sure your home caters to your cat - ensure they have access to clean litter boxes and fresh food and water at all times, and provide them with stimulating toys, scratching posts, and even a cat tree (if you have the space). Alongside this, create a peaceful haven that causes as little stress for your fur baby as possible and remain calm and relaxed.    

5. P for positivity

Positive reinforcement isn’t just the most effective training method for your cat, but it also creates a strong bond between humans and their feline friends. Aside from training, it’s important to make sure your furry friend’s experiences are as positive as possible, especially if they’re new to your home. Speak to them in a soft, reassuring voice, and if you’re not at home, playing gentle music can help calm down your kitty cat. Remember that building trust is much easier if you start off on the right foot rather than trying to fix it later on. 

6. Playtime

Just like training, playing with your cat is an excellent opportunity to bond and build trust. If your kitty cat is still giving you the cold shoulder, try enticing them with a laser pointer, feather wand, or catnip toys. You could even sweeten the deal by incorporating some tasty treats into your playtime. However, do not leave your cat alone with string toys. These toys are choking hazards and can strangle unsuspecting kitties, and, if swallowed, they can also cause a blocked tummy - which is life-threatening!

7. Provide them with safe spaces

Wondering how to get cats out of hiding? In some cases, they’re better off left where they are - just like us, our furry felines like having somewhere they can escape from it all. The only difference is that they’re happiest in that cozy spot on top of the wardrobe, the little nook on one of your shelves, or the warm cubbyhole under your desk. You can even buy or make "mini-houses" for cats to hide in when they need some alone time. Search for ideas online and let your creativity flow!

8. Use calming pheromones

If you’re still struggling to work out how to calm a scared cat, it may be time to try something new. Cats use their natural pheromones to mark areas as safe, and these signals have been recreated as calming pheromone products in the form of diffusers, sprays, wipes, and collars. Each of these releases a welcoming scent to create a more zen environment for your kitty cat, which can make all the difference when you’re trying to gain their trust.

How do you know if your cat trusts you? 

So you’ve followed our eight-step guide, but how do you know all that work hasn’t been in vain? Here are the signs your cat trusts you:

• Following you around
• Chilling out next to you
• Kneading
• Purring (in combination with the other signs)
• Exposing their belly to you (however, this is not an invitation for you to touch their bellies. Most cats hate having their bellies touched)
• Slow blinking or squinting at you
• Bringing you the most well-intentioned “gifts” (like dead prey animals)
• Head butting 
• Pressing their cheeks against you
• Relaxed body language
• Grooming or licking you 

Don’t worry if you’re still thinking “Is my cat scared of me?”. Feline friends are notoriously mysterious, and it can take anything from days to months to gain the trust of a shy cat. That being said, if your purr pal is spending so much time hidden away that eating and drinking are taking a back seat, or they seem lethargic or under the weather, it’s a good idea to contact the vet in order to rule out any underlying health issues. 

Meet our veterinary expert, Jnanee

This article has been checked by veterinarian Jnanee Krishnasamy, BVSc (Massey). Dr Jnanee is a small animal veterinarian. She was born in sunny Singapore and spent her formative years there, before studying veterinary medicine at

Massey University. Since graduating from vet school, Dr Jnanee has worked in a variety of settings that include private practice, shelter medicine, and veterinary telemedicine. Due to her varied experiences, she is well-informed on many aspects of the veterinary industry!